is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
