Plan B is the new Plan A
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
