yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
