Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
