I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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