I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize