It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
