so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
