there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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