My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
two words...techno handjob
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
