Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
