We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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