Porn is love you can see.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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