you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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