I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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