then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
