so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize