She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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