sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
