New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
