I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
