This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
