so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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