we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
