I feel like I'm in dance class right now
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize