Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
