Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
if only i could text you this smell
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
