When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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