hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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