your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
