i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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