A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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