Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
