'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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