that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Vodka?
Forever.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
