I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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