508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
