looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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