I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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