Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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