If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize