Porn is love you can see.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
