i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
