I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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