Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
