ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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