Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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