WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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