if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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