Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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