Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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