Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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