I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
