Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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