Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
