We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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