if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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