Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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