Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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