Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
