Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
