I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Come on in and take your pants off
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