I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he shaved USA in his pubs
operation harelip BJ is a go
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Boobs speak an international language.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
