1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
