Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
