The maid of honor just puked.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Pants are for mortals
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
