As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
