Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
