Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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