And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
