Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
