so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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