my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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