Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i barfeds in our rink
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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