Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You left your underwear on the fireplace
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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