I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
