Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
