Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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