I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
