Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
