I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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