my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize