it's like iHOP with fire
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
