Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
