I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
