i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
