And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
