She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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