And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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