addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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