Will you blow on my dice?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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