Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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