He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
