you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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