Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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