Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
