Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
