she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
vagina is talking i cant
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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