oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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