At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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