it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
