I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
