highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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