Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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