WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
