FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
