you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize