Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
