and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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